Sex Drugs & Baseball
I’ve been a longtime baseball fan and October baseball has always been one of my pleasures – especially the playoffs leading to the World Series where you can still see some good ‘ol daytime baseball with the stands casting those autumn shadows onto the field.
But commercials for the televised games that once were cola wars between Coke and Pepsi, or favorite beer of Budweiser or Miller, or even razor blades, shaving cream, or the latest set of wheels have the battle for airtime competition now from Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra targeting the men in my age demographic showing that Modern Medicine is a wondrous thing when it comes to “erectile dysfunction” – a kinder word for “impotence.”
According to these advertisements (that must have dads – and moms too – rushing to hit the mute button on the remote when the kids are around), this horrible affliction hits nearly half of men over 40.
Really? At 40 the lead in the pencil is gone?
Just like the car, beer and shaving ads, the advertising by the drug makers is targeting these commercials in between innings to their viewers – mostly men – and their lifestyles.
Past your prime and want to recapture your youth? Get a muscle car and go for a drive on a deserted road, or just start a garage band with other middle-aged guys, then pop a blue pill to pharmaceutically assist your male member.
I still haven’t captured the relevance with the couples lying in bathtubs on the beach. All kinds of distractions run through my mind on that one and the last thing I’m thinking about has anything to do with sex.
How’d those tubs get there? Those claw-footed tubs are damn heavy and do they just stay there? Where’s the plumbing that filled them up? How private is this setting? No one needs to be walking by seeing some guy’s business popping up like a periscope.
There’s also been a switch this season to women pitching the product, posing as wives … hot wives I must say … who must have “Daddy issues” if they’re with an old guy so ancient he can’t perform with one looking as good as them …, now informing the baseball viewership during a game break of its purpose for “when the time is right.”
Here fella, take this pill and you can convince her you’re still aroused.
These commercials, however, are like feminine hygiene products that have nothing to do with the merchandise — with the exception of those hot sultry wives and their ‘come hither’ looks.
Want to get the message across? My unfiltered mind says to at least show the dude doing something that actually has a subliminal message. Instead of a muscle car, maybe show him with an electric trainset and the train going through a tunnel. Or masculine stuff like power tools; how about a drill going through a board or an impact driver thrusting in a screw?
Masculine, subliminal, and creative – ad execs should love it.
Give the commercial the truth in advertising approach I say. Ain’t had a good romp since the last millennium? Is it because the missus doesn’t look like she used to? (Exception being the hot commercial wives) Just lost that lovin’ feeling altogether? Hard to tell, but what isn’t hard is … never mind.
Just pop one of these next time when you’re with the missus and enjoy the effect of feeling like a 20- or 30-something and more “vibrant.”
I’m not even going to go into the side effects which interestingly doesn’t include death, but if it did, what a way to go.
All I can say is we’ve come a long way since the original ads with Senator Bob Dole.
Now back to baseball.
Richard Paloma is a staff reporter for The Oakdale Leader, The Riverbank News, and The Escalon Times. He may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or by calling 847-3021.