Ladies, it’s time to put the mean girl energy to rest.

This topic has been pressing on my mind since early this year. So much so that I’ve written this column five different ways in my head. There’s just one problem each and every time – it’s so negative.

So today … I’m finally putting it to paper, but rather than have it fill this whole space, I’m reducing it to one simple paragraph and then, well you have to keep reading to see where my mind wanders this week.

Mean girl energy was never cute and at this point in our lives it’s more sad than anything else. I tell my impressionable daughter (all the time), they’re dealing with their own insecurity and you’re paying the price for it; simple as that. For those confused it’s quite simple. Laughing at another’s expense, mean girl energy. Intentionally not including someone deemed as a “friend” in a group event, mean girl energy. Confronting someone about a mistake or misunderstanding in a public setting, yep! mean girl energy. Oh, and passive aggressive behavior, mean girl energy. Say what you do and do what you say, stop twisting words in a way that makes another feel inferior or unworthy - mean girl.

If any of the above makes you the slightest bit uncomfortable, please place yourself in a time out and then rejoin the group with appropriate apologies.

Recently I had two separate friendship-related instances that reminded me how while we may grow older, sometimes the teen girl in us is as alive as ever before. Both instances related to the same thing.

As I’ve grown older I’ve come to realize (and accept) I don’t have one best friend. While I have a childhood friend who’s been through it all with me and I mean all that life can throw your way from age nine to present day, yeah, she’s the best. I’m here to tell ya, I have multiple best friends.

It’s not like when you’re young and if one hears you say one person is your best friend, they become possessive and ridiculous. Adult girl gang friendships just aren’t that way.

Which brings me to the lesson I alluded to earlier.

During those two separate occasions the friend I was with at the time referred to me as one of their best friends. Silly as that sounds, in each of those moments I stood a little taller and was beaming. Reason being, simple, I felt the exact same way.

The funny thing about adult friendships and how they differ from when we’re young is, life is just way more dimensional. I happen to be surrounded by some high-quality humans, if I do say so myself. Fortunately for me they run the gamut of differences by way of profession, background, as well as family dynamic. Their life experiences make them each and every one experts in varying life areas and boy do they have great and priceless perspective.

That’s what I love about this stage of life, it’s not about a “BFF,” it’s more about “one of my best friends” and what a blessing that is.

I’d do anything for them and well, they would and have done anything for me. That’s just what we do. There’s no keeping score. There are no regular scheduled check-ins, we’re all just doing the best we can and celebrate one another as we go.

Not too long ago I was mocked for my number of friendships, mean girl stuff wouldn’t ya know. As is my normal, I let the words get to me, reflected on them, tried to find truth and then it hit me.

I’m not a friend collector but I am an acquirer. Just like the acquisition of fine art work, one doesn’t limit themselves to just a few if more than two strike their fancy. Just like art, it’s about value. When it comes to friendship, close friendship, I believe it’s more about reciprocity. If both parties see the value, take the time and are fulfilled it’s a win all around. What’s not to love about that?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must finish cleaning as one of my best friends is flying in for a visit. It’s been a year since we’ve seen one another and yes, we are as giddy as two pre-teen girls getting ready for a slumber party. Life sure is wonderful.

Teresa Hammond is a staff reporter for The Oakdale Leader, The Riverbank News and The Escalon Times. She may be reached at thammond@oakdaleleader.com or by calling 209-847-3021.