The flowers are blooming, the gentle breeze of spring is nipping at our noses and Mother’s Day is right around the corner. When I think of mothers, moms, mamas, etc., I think of how many moms I have known throughout my life, whether it was my own mom and the moms in my family, my friends’ moms and now my friends that happen to be moms. For me, the thing that has always amazed me about the moms in my life is how much they care for their children. Mothers provide comfort and support and for those blessed with a mom like mine, unconditional love. True unconditional love encompasses loving someone without expecting anything in return, providing empathy and effective communication and letting go of expectations, which is perhaps the greatest gift my mom ever gave to me.
My life hasn’t exactly turned out like hers did in that I didn’t marry my high school sweetheart like my mom did, I have never had kids and I have never been married but through all of the ups and downs, my mom has stood by me and supported me even when my life turned out to be a little unconventional. When I returned to college to finish my degree in Communication Studies, minoring in Journalism and spent the summer writing for the Santa Cruz Sentinel, she didn’t express disappointment that I didn’t stick with my full-time job and she encouraged me to follow my heart, which led me to writing. When all of my friends were getting married and having kids, she didn’t tell me how sad she was that I hadn’t given her grandbabies yet but shared, “Honey, you have a baby for you when and if you are ready but only when you are ready.”
She enabled me to feel free to live my life as I see fit, not as others would want me or expect me to. When I was playing the comparison game – which we know is not good for us, but we do it to ourselves anyway – I was looking at my peers’ lives and careers and comparing where I was in life to where I thought I should be and it was greatly affecting my heart and mind. My mom reminded me that no matter where I am, what I do for a living, where I live, I can choose to be happy.
She reminded me that all of those things that we think we need to have or need to achieve are constructs that we devise and that at the end of the day if I have people that love me, a roof over my head, no matter how big or small, and most importantly, if I love myself and stay true to myself, I will be the best version of myself.
She was 22 when she had me and though she and my dad split up shortly after, I never felt like I missed anything being raised by a single mom because she filled our home with so much love, understanding, and of course, humor. She cried with me during my first heartbreak and stood tall at my college graduation, even though I finished school a little later than most. She is a constant reminder to me of what being true to yourself means.
For all of the ways in which I felt I fell short or questioned certain aspects of my life she has been there to remind me that I will always be her baby, that she will always be my loudest cheerleader and not to doubt myself because as long as I am being true to myself and living my best life, she will always be proud of me and that is the greatest gift that she has ever given me. I love you mama.
Kristi Mayfield is a staff reporter for The Oakdale Leader, The Escalon Times and The Riverbank News. She may be reached at kmayfield@oakdaleleader.com or by calling 209-847-3021.
